Having finally reached a point in my life where I felt able to deal with a certain part of my past, life decided to knock me back and dealt a heavy blow when my beloved husband was taken ill. Where were we going to go from here? What would our future hold? What was I going to do? I was at a crossroads, and whichever path I chose would mean big changes in our lives. Here's the story of my current struggle.
When my mother called one morning in tears over her broken greenhouse I got to thinking how life can sometimes knock you over, throw you off balance, or sometimes break you completely. But with strength and perseverance, you can rebuild, and you will be stronger than ever.
******WARNING****** The following blog includes talk of suicidal thoughts, rape and abuse. ******WARNING****** Many people have asked me and I'm sure many more have asked themselves; What happened to her to cause her to be so depressed? Well this is just a slight insight into the horrors of my past. i have spent over 20 years trying to keep them locked away but as I now know this has been one of the main reasons why I suffer so much with mental health issues. It's not the whole story, it's just an insight. The main thing is, I'm getting it out there. It's no longer trapped in my mind eating away at my soul, I have released it.
Suffering with a mental illness can make you feel that you are surrounded in darkness. Even the brightest days can be a struggle, and when you feel that you're under a constant cloud of negativity that follows you wherever you go, it can be difficult to see those bright days again. Just remember how important you are x
As I enjoyed a few days with my family down in Cardiff for the National Eisteddfod, I noticed so many more charities, volunteers and organisations discussing mental health issues openly, in a bid to raise more awareness and let sufferers know that they are not alone. As I walked back to my fathers house I noticed a swan, and how there are similarities between the swan and someone who suffers with mental illnesses. Remember someone may appear to be as elegant as the swan, but it's what's beneath the surface that matters.
After the success of my last blog, here I discuss the ordeal I went through in order to break the chains of captivity surrounding me and start my life again. It was a tough and extremely painful night, but the main thing is…I survived.
***** TALKS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE, SOME GRAPHIC DETAILS OF ABUSE DISCUSSED. ALSO CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE***** I am unfortunately a victim of domestic abuse. This was one of the worst times of my life, and has resulted in the mental illnesses I suffer with today. I have never openly talked about my past before (except with my husband and psychiatrist) but if one person finds hope or comfort in hearing my story and knowing they aren't alone then it's all worth it.
*******WARNING THE FOLLOWING BLOG DOES CONTAIN SENSITIVE ISSUES AND TALKS ABOUT SUICIDE************ As I try to get over a nasty cold and chest infection, I reflect back on a dark time in my life when I thought that suicide was the only answer to my problems. Here I talk about the effect suicide has on those around us, the importance of talking about how you're feeling, and my personal battle with grief and severe depression
I was recently gifted a place on Ty Newydd's Emerging Writers course by my generous mother. I felt incredibly nervous and doubtful of my ability to become a writer it turned out to be the most liberating experience that gave me the push I needed to call myself a writer and follow my dreams. A wonderful retreat, excellent tutorage, mouthwatering food and lasting friendships with a bit of alcohol thrown in for good measure is what became the best 5 days of 2018 for me.
******WARNING. The following blog does contain some talk of self-harm. Not in too much detail, but it is mentioned. Please be aware of this before reading, and know that i do not believe that self-harm is the answer to any problem***** After two and a half years of pure hell being trapped in a physical and emotionally abusive relationship, I found myself fearing that I could never be loved. Why would anyone want to be with such a damaged person? Is there such a thing as true love. My story is too long to put into one blog, that's why I've decided to break it up into sections. For me, this was the point at which my real life truly began. With the caring question asked by someone i thought knew me the least turned out to be the turning point that I had been desperately seeking.
Unfortunately there is still a stigma surrounding mental health. Here I discuss the importance of educating our future generation about mental illnesses whatever they may be.
A "normal" day filled with laughter, joy, celebrations but also heartbreak at the sight of a disaster within the beautiful place I call home. And how these events can change a persons perspective