Through My Eyes

Dealing with mental illness after trauma. Being a wife, mother and writer whilst dealing with the pain of my past and the abusers who caused it.

You are the author of your future, make it whatever you want it to be.

About


There are many words I could use to describe myself. I'm a mother, a wife, a carer for my husband, a wedding planner setting up her own business, I used to be a bouncer, and quite a good one even if I say so myself, now I'm a writer. My passion for writing has always been within me ever since I was a child, my mother, uncle, grandmother and grandfather have all been successfully published, so I guess you can say that writing is in my blood. Unfortunately my battle with mental illness throughout my adult life and personal situations I have found myself in have in the past prevented me from pursuing my dream of becoming a published author, until now. I am currently working on my first novel, but always being one for a challenge I have recently decided that I want to do more with my writing. Therefore I decided that I would also become a blogger. My goal with my blog is to help educate others about the difficulties of leading a "normal" life whilst battling mental illnesses, and to reach out to those who are afraid to speak. Through reading my blog, about my life and my experiences I hope others will find that they are never alone, and that talking about mental illness does not mean that you are weak, it is in fact the total opposite; YOU ARE STRONG! I have personally seen the devastation caused by people not discussing their problems or concerns about their mental health whether it be depression, PTSD, bipolar, schizophrenia etc. and through allowing others to read my work I hope that you can see that there is always a way through these things, it may not be through writing, as I have found to be helpful, but together we can work through our issues and battle our demons.
Hope you enjoy reading my blog, and if you ever have any questions you would like to ask then I would only be to happy to oblige

Thank you.


About About About

Contact


  • Should you wish to get in touch with me about my blog, or any other writing projects I'm currently working on then please e-mail me directly at the address below or drop me a message here. Thank you x

Blog


Having finally reached a point in my life where I felt able to deal with a certain part of my past, life decided to knock me back and dealt a heavy blow when my beloved husband was taken ill. Where were we going to go from here? What would our future hold? What was I going to do? I was at a crossroads, and whichever path I chose would mean big changes in our lives. Here's the story of my current struggle.

When my mother called one morning in tears over her broken greenhouse I got to thinking how life can sometimes knock you over, throw you off balance, or sometimes break you completely. But with strength and perseverance, you can rebuild, and you will be stronger than ever.

******WARNING****** The following blog includes talk of suicidal thoughts, rape and abuse. ******WARNING****** Many people have asked me and I'm sure many more have asked themselves; What happened to her to cause her to be so depressed? Well this is just a slight insight into the horrors of my past. i have spent over 20 years trying to keep them locked away but as I now know this has been one of the main reasons why I suffer so much with mental health issues. It's not the whole story, it's just an insight. The main thing is, I'm getting it out there. It's no longer trapped in my mind eating away at my soul, I have released it.

Suffering with a mental illness can make you feel that you are surrounded in darkness. Even the brightest days can be a struggle, and when you feel that you're under a constant cloud of negativity that follows you wherever you go, it can be difficult to see those bright days again. Just remember how important you are x

As I enjoyed a few days with my family down in Cardiff for the National Eisteddfod, I noticed so many more charities, volunteers and organisations discussing mental health issues openly, in a bid to raise more awareness and let sufferers know that they are not alone. As I walked back to my fathers house I noticed a swan, and how there are similarities between the swan and someone who suffers with mental illnesses. Remember someone may appear to be as elegant as the swan, but it's what's beneath the surface that matters.

After the success of my last blog, here I discuss the ordeal I went through in order to break the chains of captivity surrounding me and start my life again. It was a tough and extremely painful night, but the main thing is…I survived.

***** TALKS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE, SOME GRAPHIC DETAILS OF ABUSE DISCUSSED. ALSO CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE***** I am unfortunately a victim of domestic abuse. This was one of the worst times of my life, and has resulted in the mental illnesses I suffer with today. I have never openly talked about my past before (except with my husband and psychiatrist) but if one person finds hope or comfort in hearing my story and knowing they aren't alone then it's all worth it.